Finding Your Real Self Again

On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to “fit in”. We find ourselves conforming in order to please the people we love, and who love us. But sometimes that means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside. As children we do it to keep ourselves safe, from a parent that may not want you to bring attention to the family and from your peers to avoid ridicule.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s harder to have healthy relationships with anyone else.

If you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you maybe haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these ideas to help you rediscover the real you.

Quiet the noise in your head
You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, schedule the vet, keep the boss happy. With all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear anything above the din. This MUST be the first step. How do you do that? Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways

In order to do that, you must first believe that you are valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the world. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined, it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thinking. Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts. Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.” Challenge: “Of course I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”

Listen to your heart
Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads. Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self. It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why it’s important.

Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal
What you’re really after is a feeling -- respect, love, appreciation - as opposed to the thing. Keep an open mind to the feelings and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them. Determine not just your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are. What is the outcome of achieving this, how will I feel when I have it.

A person you have known and loved for many years - you! - is waiting for you to take the time to listen and understand and accept. When you accept your Real Self again, you'll make smarter choices and those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are. Choices that align with your inner values.

Now, that's what you're really looking for, isn't it?